Resilience

I have been called to task from several angles about my leadership of the club, not the least of which is the direct challenge to unseat me.  Democracy at work.  That is not quite as stinging as the gratuitous comments that have filled my email from some unexpected sources, people who are either not part of the executive committee, and even from someone who has not been a member for some time, but still has found it necessary to reproach my level of professionalism.  What's surprising to me is my reaction.  Surely I'm tougher than that, no?  Evidently not.  I wonder if other people in position of leadership get their noses bent out of shape as easily as I.  I'm sensitive, perhaps overly so.  I have expressed my vision for the club, and have met with enormous resistance.  This latest round of critical communiques comes on the heels of nominations, with everyone volunteering his/her version of how things should be.  In one of my letters to the membership, it seems I may have been indirectly critical of previous leadership of the club, and such veiled references are now getting my head handed to me, with such comments as my supposedly having disrespected previous leadership, or leading the membership in a direction that requires a bit more work and dedication.  The task at hand is not to strive ever harder to be perfect, but rather to lean into the criticism and accept it; take responsibility for my role in generating criticism; and then let it sit in my lap like a brick.  Eventually the weight of the brick will feel familiar, or someone may simply choose to relieve me of the burden.  As to behavior, keep doing the best I can, and "keep your head when all about you are losing theirs. ... or being lied about, don't deal in lies, ... If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, and stoop and build-em up with worn-out tools..." The genius that was Kipling.

I cannot hide or escape, though I'd like to.  It would be easy to simply bow out, and yield the baton to my challenger.  She certainly is qualified.  But this is a learning opportunity for me.  In fact, this is my opportunity to swim in the pool of my own discomfort, and face that discomfort square on, analyze it, and try to overcome it.  The "it" in this case is asserting myself, pushing back where necessary and appropriate, yielding where necessary.  It is pain that alerts one to changes that ought to occur, and the change here is my reaction.  Do I feel stung? Certainly.  Do I feel unsupported? Yes.  Do I think I have all the answers on how to do a good job? Of course not.  But I do have certain qualities; I have my own style, and I must make sure to present my best, to lead with integrity to my own principles, knowing that I will not please everybody, and they have the right to choose. 

Resilience is my own mission.