How is Forgiveness Manifest?

On the theme of forgiveness, it may be popular to believe that this act comes from outside oneself, when in fact, it is an internal phenomenon.  I have a friend who periodically expresses regret by saying, Please forgive me.  He does not expect me to answer and grant him his request; this is merely his way of saying I'm sorry.  In Simon Wiesenthal's book, The Sunflower, it appeared that the dying SS officer equated being formally forgiven by "a Jew" as being absolved of his crimes, that absolution being a sort of erasure of his crimes.  He might now be able to die in peace.  But as one of the members of the symposium offered, why should he expect to have the right to die in peace?  Moreover, it was, in fact, insulting of him to request that "a Jew" be brought to him for that purpose -- any Jew, as if expressing regret and requesting forgiveness from such anonymous being would somehow mitigate his crimes; indeed, as if a Jew, any Jew, would stand as representative for 12 million of his fellow martyrs. 

Forgiveness, if from an outer source, is illusory; in order to be meaningful, it must be experienced within.  It is therefore a question of remorse, more than forgiveness, that is important.  I remember a phone call from my ex-husband a few months before his death.  We chatted a while about our son, and then, astoundingly, he blurted, "I'm sorry, Yael, I'm sorry for what I put you through."  He was expressing heartfelt regret for his own behavior after our divorce.  My immediate response was to say, Don't do this to yourself, but after I hung up I found myself sobbing deeply, violently feeling his pain, the mortification he must have endured to bring him to such a humbling moment.  He did not ask me for forgiveness; he merely expressed remorse which he evidently realized on his own, as we had had no prior communication.  But I was left with deep emotions as I imagined how he must have felt, how he must have experienced pain himself as he came to grips with our broken relationship. 

He died shortly after that conversation.  But after that conversation, it seemed all the bitterness I had held onto over the years had melted away, so much so that I was able to peacefully attend his funeral and even greet his wife without rancor.